Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Star Trek: The Wrath of WhiteUnicorn

Hello Crickets!
I am excited today about two things that are going to happen at the same time:
Star Trek, and IMAX. Oh, and the third thing happens simultaneously as well: Saturday night.

Since the WhiteUnicorn's Significant Other, BlackDeathUnicorn, is out of town with his family on Mother's Day, I decided to let Reis, he of the fantastic Geek Orthodox fame, tag along.

Reis has never seen a movie on IMAX before *snicker*.

Now now, Crickets, lets not call him names like "loser" and "sad, sad person" and "lameoid custard-licking dweeb-farmer", however much the shoe fits.

Instead, let's be kind, and pay attention while I document a journey of galactic epicness: The Saga of Star Trek on IMAX.

Chapter 1: In Which WhiteUnicorn is Thoughtful, Sweet, and Clever and Handsome

The saga began, as all sagas do, with an email.

From: Whiteunicorn
Subject: What is that ringing sound?
To: Reis O'Brien
Date: Monday, May 4, 2009, 5:21 PM

Hey Reis
BlackDeathUnicorn will be out of town this weekend, and guess what else is happening...STAR TREK ON IMAX! Woot!

Now, if you are a complete asshat, you'll be all "But I got plans!"

But if you are awesome, you'll be all "Neato! Let's make it happen!"

Dude, seriously, don't be an asshat. Come see the movie.

Let me know if you can do it any time from Fri night thru Sun evening.

Chapter 2: In Which Reis Replies

From: Reis O'Brien
Subject: What is that ringing sound?
To: Whiteunicorn
Date: Monday, May 4, 2009, 7:41 PM

Well, despite the fact that I hate Star Trek, I have to admit that this movie looks awesome. I have plans Saturday afternoon, but my beautiful wife who is so much hotter than I deserve is going out with the girls that night. So I'll be free then.

Chapter 3: In Which WhiteUnicorn Continues to be Exceptionally Good-Looking

The saga had begun in earnest!
Our heroes had taken their first steps on their journey to the Pacific Science Center IMAX, as the prophecy had foretold. WhiteUnicorn (that's me, Crickets)sent his next email, and prayed to the Gods that Reis had survived his day's ordeals so that he might read it.

Crickets, as you may have heard, Reis is a pretty powerful wizard, outmatched only by myself. When we have our epic Magic the Gathering sorcerous duels, I tend to win. A lot.

From: Whiteunicorn
Subject: What is that ringing sound?
To: Reis O'Brien
Date: Tuesday, May 5, 2009, 6:12 PM

9:15pm Star Trek: The IMAX 05/09/09 ADULT 2


So seriously, if we are to get even halfway decent seats, we need to be in line about an hour before the show starts. We can sit on the floor (it's inside and carpeted).

This is the perfect opportunity for me to wipe the floor with you in Magic, and have all the people standing and sitting in line around us to watch a grown man cry like a little beeyotch.

Dude, I just saw the preview for the movie and it looks SO BADASS.

Chapter 4: In Which Reis Makes Me Laugh with Contempt and Derision

From: Reis O'Brien
Subject: What is that ringing sound?
To: Whiteunicorn
Date: Wednesday, May 6, 2009, 12:03 PM

Cool! We could probably meet up even earlier than that if you want. I have no problem waiting in line for a while.

Are you sure you want to cry like a little girl in a frilly pink dress in front of all those Trekkies? Well, okay...


  1. Man! This Reis guy sounds like a total tool! If I were you, I'd hunt him down, walk right up to him, look him in the eye and say, "Hey! Stop screwing my mom!"

    Because chances are, when you find me, I'll be screwing your mom.

  2. After you're done with yours, I assume?