Crickets, it's time to tell you how the new Star Trek movie was.
If you have been following my saga, you will know that Reis, he of the magnificent Geek Orthodox blog (and a close personal lackey, um, friend) has been a loser and has never been to the IMAX before.
Chapter 5: In Which WhiteUnicorn is Re-Reading Action Comics featuring The Legion Of Super-Heroes
I picked Reis up at his place (20 minutes late because I was reading comics and didn't pay attention to the time). I came to get him at the door and yelled at him for making me wait. He cried a little (definite confirmed chin-quiver).
We drove downtown to the Pacific Science Center, and...because the movie gods clearly knew that we needed to see this movie...got a great parking spot. Thanks, Movie Gods!
Chapter 6: In Which Reis Almost Kills a Large Person
We got in line at a decent time, and played a game of Magic the Gathering on the carpet in line. We were doing fine, too, except that the d-bags in line in front of us let about 5 of their buddies cut in, even though said buddies were a half-hour late. They were all large, hairy men, and wearing overcoats and stuff, and totally encroaching on our space, because they were like a small herd of gamey-smelling bison standing about in a tiny space. They got so close to trampling on our Magic cards that Reis murmured something about them coming a step closer and not being conscious to see the movie.
Reis likes violence.
Chapter 7: In Which WhiteUnicorn WON. And You Cannot Prove Otherwise
Anyway, crisis never came to pass, and I beat Reis soundly at Magic as I said I would.
Now, Reis is a terribly sore loser and may protest that he actually won the game, but he didn't. HE DIDN'T WIN.
I WON.
I know that to be a fact because Reis never took pictures and so cannot claim otherwise without proof. So it's his word against mine.
Did I mention he came this close to murder? So who do you believe?
Chapter 8: In which Reis Wants to Kill Again
There was an idiot who was yelling "Star Trek!" and standing up and hi-five-ing everyone who walked past his seat and screaming at the rest of us that we should be pumped because we were about to see Star Trek. The movie had not yet started, and Reis and I wanted to use our phasers to shoot him in the face. And none of that "Set phasers to stun" business, either.
Chapter 9: In Which the Movie Rocked So Amazingly Hard
The movie was mindblowing. Action, space adventure, explosions, great and pretty faithful characterization, a big dose of funny, a nice dollop of eye-candy (only Chris Pine gets his chest out, but it's a nice one), great cameos from Leonard Nimoy and Winona Ryder (who plays Spock's mom, and made my chin quiver). So pretty much a completely perfect Summer Movie.
Chapter 10: In Which We had a Great Time, and You Have To Go See It Too.
Crickets, the only reason you would not go see this movie is if you were allergic to awesomeness. Even then, I'd risk the rash and go see it. I'm going again, and this time I'm taking BlackDeathUnicorn.
This post is rife with lies and inaccuracies! You can say you won at Magic all you want, but deep down you know the truth. You just don't want your readers to know how I laid down the black & red smackdown so soundly that you cried like a fat kid that dropped his ice-cream cone and then peed your pants.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not that I like violence, I just happen to to work well within it.
But yes, the movie friggin RULED!
Until you have actual, physical proof to back up your slanderous and outrageous lies, I must ask that you refrain from spreading that kind of poisonous untruth all over my blog, sir.
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